A Change of Mind: How a Farewell Party Altered My Decision

Very few know this.

I have written much about my current workplace, the experiences, and the learnings I’ve gathered in 18+ years. But few know I almost did not join here.

I thought it over and over before I said no.

Not because it meant starting over again and having to prove I have what it takes to build from scratch.

Not because I had worked very hard for a decade and reached a position where I could take it – maybe, just a little – easy.

Not because it meant working in a new place where almost no one knew me and I needed to build relationships and trust anew.

The Sheer Coincidence of Two Life-Changing Events

It was linked to another defining moment in my life.

Six months later, I was going to lose my bachelorhood. It was a state I had become used to. Even comfortable. I enjoyed the liberty to do things at will, anytime I wished.

I was aware that may not be the case after tying the knot.

Perhaps I could still do much of what I used to. But it will never be the same.

It can be unsettling to lose that freedom when you’ve cherished it so much.

And then came an old friend who set me thinking.

“Are you sure you are ready for two life-changing experiences within six months of each other,” asked my friend before he concluded, “One of the two is still okay. Both may be a bit much, don’t you think?”

He used the term life-changing, but I suspect he meant unsettling.

I thought long and hard.

Building a new relationship takes time and care, much like a new job. How do I do justice to both?

A new job in a start-up demands abundant time and attention. It would mean personal life takes a backseat for as long as it takes to build the product. It could be longer.

Is it fair to expect my soon-to-be-wife to understand this?

During my marriage, I had leave sanctioned for a month and planned a holiday. Gargi and I were looking forward to it.

Joining a start-up would mean kissing goodbye to that.

How Did I Reverse My Decision?

It happened at a farewell party of someone destined to be my next boss. Rajdeep and I had worked closely for two years and built a great partnership. We accomplished much of what we set out to do. It was a dream run.

When he checked out to start a new brand, he offered me to join him. While the idea seemed challenging, the timing was off. So, I said no.

He understood.

I almost did not attend his farewell. I was uncomfortable with how things would go as I wasn’t joining him.

My colleague and friend, Anasuya, was shocked when she learnt this. “What do you mean you won’t attend? It doesn’t make sense. The two of you have had such a great partnership. Wouldn’t you want to be there to see him off?”

“I do, but I am apprehensive of how the evening will unfold and uncomfortable with the mere thought of it,” I replied.

“Don’t be silly; you will come with me. I won’t have it any other way,” she declared.

I knew what she said made sense. But I was distinctly uncomfortable.

A Twist of Fate

This was a farewell party with a difference. Rajdeep was hosting his farewell. It was an open house. Any colleague could join.

He warmly welcomed us. When his wife Sagarika heard my name, she asked me from the other end of the room, “What am I hearing? You’re not joining him.”

Almost all the guests on the floor who may not have known until then got to know in less than 30 seconds. Rajdeep sensed my discomfort and diverted the attention of those gathered there.

I exchanged a few greetings and escaped to the terrace. For the rest of the evening, I remained there with other colleagues. Rajdeep spent more time mingling on the floor below. He came up a few times, but we did not speak.

I met him alone a little past midnight. I was ready to leave and wanted to wish him farewell.

“Thank you for coming. I wish we could continue to work together…”

He spoke a few more sentences that struck a chord. When he finished, I had changed my mind. “I will join you,” I said.

“You don’t have to,” he interjected. “I respect the decision you made. Forget this conversation happened.”

“No, I am sure now,” I responded.

“I don’t want you to make a decision here. Sleep over it; take more time,” he said. We were both emotional, and he knew it.

I had changed my mind. And it came from the heart.

I called Gargi on the way back home. I told her about my revised decision. But I left it to her to decide for herself. “You can change your mind if you wish. There is still time. I don’t know what the future holds. The start-up is just a thought at this stage. Whether it will work or not, only time will tell. Think about it and let me know,” I said.

“You may have changed your mind, but I will not. Text me when you reach home. Good night,” she said before disconnecting the call.

I joined, and I am still here 18 years later.

My old friend, whom I referred to at the start of this piece, asked me recently, “Has it crossed your mind how different your life would be had you not joined here?”

“No, I haven’t. But things happen for a reason; isn’t that what they call destiny?” I replied.

Later that day, my mind returned to that conversation while driving home. It got me thinking.

Sometimes, in your life, you look back and ask, “What if I had not done that?” Based on the outcome of the decision, you feel happy, sad, or indifferent. If it has worked well for you, it’s great. If not, it takes a toll on you. You suffer. Why allow that? Retrospection is okay if you don’t get into “What-ifs…”

The past is the past. No ifs and buts. Move on.

Look to the future with hope. Be positive. More often than not, you are likely to find yourself happy. Even grateful.

It has helped me find peace. It could help you too.

Try it.