How Prioritising Work Led Me To Miss An Important Life Event

Imagine becoming a father and your colleagues don’t know till the child is born.  No one in my office, not even my boss, knew my wife and I were expecting a baby. A team member first read the status on my Blackberry Messenger, “It’s a girl.” He brought it to the notice of a few others. But they were still unsure until a colleague texted me to check.

Why was it a secret, you may wonder!

The story begins on the day the sonographer showed Gargi, my wife the tiny impression of our baby in the first ultrasound after pregnancy.  At the same time, I watched the opinion poll result unfolding in the Production Control Room in the office. The news network I worked for had conducted a survey in an Indian state going to polls, and the results were broadcast in a three-hour primetime special that night.

News viewing surges during election time and broadcasters try to maximise eyeballs with pre-poll and post-poll surveys that provide insights into which political party could form the next government. However, as anxious and excited as I was about Gargi’s check-up, I faced a dilemma. The thought of breaking our news to my boss on such a vital workday did not seem right. Gargi went unaccompanied that evening.  When I returned home, she recounted every moment of what I had missed. Gargi and I had waited for this day for many years. This was a big miss for me. I wished I was with her. I wished I had seen the first impression of our tiny one on the sonographer’s computer monitor. I wished I could see my wife’s reaction at that moment.

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” 

— Sydney J. Harris

That night I made two decisions:

1. I will accompany my wife for every subsequent visit to the hospital in the following nine months.
2. Since I had not shared the pregnancy news with my boss and missed the big personal moment, I won’t share the news with him or any other colleague till the baby arrives.

Usually, you share such news with your boss because you may need to skip work, leave the office early or reach work late. I decided not to do any of these.

And I didn’t. I scheduled all appointments on a Saturday or the first one on a weekday so that I could be in the office by or before noon.  Not a single workday was missed, and I was never late to work by more than half an hour, if at all. Maybe, I was lucky that it all worked out. I managed to juggle my work and life in those nine months. Not one person at the office knew until our daughter Sara entered this world.

Juggling Work and Personal Life

Do you prioritise work over your personal life mostly? Have you ever missed a significant life event because of work?

Know this:

Work at the office hardly ever stops for an individual. But no one can fill in for you if you miss your personal life event. Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating that you shouldn’t prioritise work. There will be occasions when you have a critical role or no one to replace you at such short notice. You’ve got to be responsible for your work. At such times, you may have to skip the personal event. It could happen more than once. And that’s fine.

Just don’t overdo it. Don’t make a virtue out of it. Don’t give your example to your team members or colleagues or expect them to do so. We all know a few or many who miss out on many life events because of work. Some are proud of it and announce it to others who care to listen. These individuals take themselves too seriously and feel indispensable.  That rarely happens at work. Almost no one is indispensable.

Don’t overestimate your importance at work. You may be a very senior leader or the big boss. Your contribution and the value you bring to your job may be immense. If for some reason, you are unavailable or indisposed, the world in your office will not come to an end.  You have heard of workaholics who passed away leaving their family in grief. Their colleagues grieved for some time and moved on. But the family struggled for a long time to cope in their absence. And perhaps still do.

Such is life.

Your Takeaway

Sometimes, you may have to sacrifice your personal life for work, but you should not do it too often or proudly. While work is important, so is your family and your happiness. You are sorted if you can juggle both in a way that works for work and family. Remember that even when the founders leave, the company lives on. But in your family, you can hardly be replaced.

Never forget that.