Not Fair, Still Lovely

The residential campus for faculty members of Indira Gandhi National Forest Academy (IGNFA) is in the picturesque ‘Litchi Bagh’ in front of the Forest Research Institute (FRI). Across the road, it was one of the main attractions of getting posted in IGNFA. I and my wife enjoyed our five-year stay in Dehradun as we had a wonderful neighbourhood amid the sublime ambience. There were about 24 children in the age group of 6 to 12 years on the ever-vibrant campus. Security was not an issue and the whole colony was like a large family. A major problem was finding and getting children back home after it was dark, as they could be in any of the houses.

All the faculty members, except me and Archana and Surendra Sharma, had two children. This created some issues during playtime for my daughter Nikki and their son Ishan. Sharmas had made it clear to Ishan that he is not going to have a sibling. We were dillydallying with Nikki as we were not sure when to have the second child. Nikki, finding it difficult to persuade us, did a smart thing: she got a letter written by the principal of her school explaining why we should go for a second child immediately.

So, our second daughter Annie arrived on May 1, 1997. And the elder sister took over; ever-willing to carry out any chore for Annie, particularly taking her around in a pram in the colony. Annie was the centre of attraction for all the children. But the problem was with some of the aunts and uncles, who were very concerned that she was not fair. This reminded me of an incident while I was undergoing a three-month course at Edinburgh University in 1991. In our course there were several African participants. One of them had visited India and loved the country. But he was very critical of people’s attitude towards black people. “On arrival, when I was coming out of the airport a young boy accompanied by his parents pointed a finger at me and yelled ‘Papa, Negro’. I was dumbstruck how to react: how could a child abuse someone on his face and the parents remain indifferent! Later, I realised people there are not aware that ‘Negro’ is a slang and calling someone Negro is an abuse,” he said, making a sweeping comment that Indians were very racial. He said he had visited the USA and several European countries, although instances of discrimination on grounds of skin colour are reported everywhere, it was nothing compared to that in India. “In these countries they distinguish between white and black, but in India they distinguish between shades of grey. Many a times I failed to distinguish between the skin colour of people who were referred to as ‘gora’ and those as ‘kala’. On arriving in India, the first Hindi word a black person learns is ‘Kalu’. People would just call you Kalu on your face, no issue at all! I got a feeling that people in India genuinely feel that all good qualities are directly proportional to the fairness of skin.” I wished to protest but couldn’t. I thought what he was saying was correct to a certain extent. There are several instances where our role models do extol the virtues of being fair.

We returned to Bhubaneswar a year after Annie was born. Although people in Odisha are generally not fair complexioned, things were no better here. But it didn’t matter to us as we and my parents had absolutely no issues. But our relatives were very ‘concerned’; whenever she went to their place, many would have words of solace: “as she grows, she will become fair”, “boys would still like her as she is so pretty”, “our child will be so good in studies that it will make up for the colour of the skin”. Initially, it didn’t make any sense to Annie. But as she grew up, she felt something was wrong because some elderly relatives were quite blunt and commented on her face. One of my cousins once ‘joked’ with her, “Are you from Africa or West Indies?” For many relatives it wasn’t a big deal to make fun of one’s perceived deficiencies. Annie, who used to be quite jovial, started becoming very reserved in the company of such people and avoided going to their places. We, particularly my father and Nikki, tried shielding her from people who made such comments. However, it started impacting Annie’s behaviour. She was no longer comfortable in the company of elders. In the lower classes in school, colour of the skin made no difference. Annie enjoyed school as she was very good in sports and outdoor activities. She was popular in her class. But one day when she was in Class IV she asked me, “Why am I so dark?” I told her, “What is the big deal, I am also dark.” Then she contrasted her hand against mine and said, “I think I am darker than you. Children in my class call me ‘kalia’.” But she didn’t care as her good friends loved her. One day she insisted on changing her school, knowing well that she would no longer have the company of all her fast friends. I got her admitted at SAI International School, Bhubaneswar (the principal of the school happened to be a friend of mine). He told me that Vedika (Annie is her nickname) was a bit introvert but was equally good in studies and sports. Later on, she went on to become school sports champion, school captain of basketball and kho-kho teams. Academically, she was also in the top three in Class X and Class XII examinations.

Major changes took place in Annie’s character while she was in SAI International school. She went to England under a student exchange programme and was hosted by a British family for about a week. Everyone in the host’s family and her British friends complimented her for her looks, “You are so pretty, you have such nice and glowing skin.” The English children visited her school and came to our home the next year. The interaction with these girls made a world of good to her psyche. After her schooling she joined Symbiosis Centre for Management Studies, Pune. There she had an opportunity to go to a university in France for one semester. There also her skin colour was considered to be an asset. The damage relatives and friends had caused was reversed and she got back her self-confidence. But the residual discomfiture towards the elder relatives still persists and she is ill at ease in their company.

It is so very unfortunate that a number of people are so judgmental on physical features like colour of skin, height, obesity, ocular features, nasal features and orthopaedic deformities. Our celebrities unabashedly feature in commercials extolling virtues of the perceived good features, (sometimes even indulging in body-shaming) not realising how adversely it can impact people not conforming to those.