The Embarrassment Of Puberty Rituals for Girls

A big deal is made when girls attain puberty in India. Attaining menarche or the first menstruation cycle seems to be the only defining sign of puberty among girls. And with the onset of first menstruation begins a series of restrictions and menstrual taboos where the girls are made conscious of their ‘impure’ status during that time of the month and the various customs to be followed to ‘purify’ themselves or keep away from places.

Ironically however, while menstruating girls are kept isolated and restricted during their first menstruation, their new-found puberty is publicly announced and celebrated soon after with great pomp and show through puberty functions. I used to be initially baffled when I came across large colourful hoardings outside posh hotels and function halls with pictures of decked-up young girls along with their parents announcing in big letters, “puberty function of so and so.” Sometimes, it mentioned the locally used names such as ‘Half-saree function’ in Andhra Pradesh, ‘Saddangu’ in Tamil Nadu, ‘Aashirvada’ in Karnataka etc.. Although quite prevalent in the South Indian states, puberty functions are also held in many other communities including the ‘Tuloni Biyah’ custom in Assam.

Traditionally, puberty functions were held to ‘announce’ to the community about the transition of a girl to a woman or a maiden and her fertile status, and her fitness for marriage to be noted by the families of potential suitors. During puberty functions, girls are made to wear saree for the first time, adorned with jewellery, and given gifts by family, relatives and friends. The gifts and the gift money along with the utilities received are typically a preparation for her future dowry. But the puberty function celebrations happened only after the girl completed her periods.

During her period, however, she has to follow the required rituals of isolation, made to use only her own things like mattress and linen, utensils for eating etc. Add to it several superstitions that are also followed, for example, leftover food from the girl’s plate is not given to even dogs, for it may cause stomachache! She is then given the ‘purification’ bath by the women of the house. Even the priest performs a ‘purification’ ritual of the house.”

One would like to think that this custom over the years would have lost its importance considering that menstruation is now being gradually accepted as a normal biological process experienced by adolescent girls. But not quite! The rituals and the accompanying extravagant functions and banquets organised in lavish hotels are no less than engagement and marriage ceremonies these days. Invitation cards are sent to relatives, friends and neighbours. The girl is showered with expensive gifts, decked up like a child bride and is made to feel special.

While many families justify the puberty function as a ‘customary celebration,’ many girls and women that I spoke to shared their experience of embarrassment and shame being a part of it. Remembering her puberty function, thirty-eight-year-old Shrilatha shares, “As a little girl I was excited for the function without realising what it entailed.  But when I had my first period and was isolated in a separate room for five days, my life changed. I was completely unprepared for the rituals with people around me commenting how I have suddenly grown up. Random relatives pestered and teased me with intimate questions and I was angry. I was also embarrassed at the way my male cousins looked at me in a different way.” A mother of two girls, Shrilatha has firmly decided not to have such puberty function for her girls.

Many justify the puberty functions explaining that it’s a celebration of a natural phenomenon which is otherwise considered to be a taboo and hence should be continued. But what about the days preceding it when the girl is considered ‘impure’ and compelled to follow other customs and rituals and the associated superstitions? The girl is celebrated after her first-period ends, but until then, she is treated as an untouchable, isolated in a separate room, not interacting with others or coming in contact with the common household things.

Moreover, such celebrations also demonstrate a hetero-normative, patriarchal view of womanhood, where a girl’s onset of puberty is celebrated because she is fertile, and ready to marry a man and bear his children. Although some people have stopped continuing the practice of conducting puberty functions, it still persists in many families.

While celebrating menarche is appreciable, the negative impact of two opposing practices of celebration and exclusion during periods on adolescent girls who have just attained puberty cannot be overlooked. In cultures where menstruation is hardly discussed, puberty functions may signal wrong implications. The blood that officially marks a woman is celebrated one day and the same blood makes them “impure.”

Most of the girls and women I spoke to described their experiences as bewildering, and embarrassing and initially viewed menstruation as something to be ashamed of. “I had grown up seeing my cousin sisters being hush-hush about periods and when I had my periods, I assumed it was something secretive,” says a friend. “But later on I had my puberty function and everyone was talking about it, but not as a natural thing. Everybody congratulated me and I was told of all the practices to be followed. However, no one really spoke about the physical changes and how to handle menstruation going ahead. It was as if my newly acquired reproductive capability was being announced and I was greatly discomfited.”

Puberty functions are considered a rite of passage for a young girl transitioning to the next phase of her life. But with girls as young as eight years attaining puberty nowadays, do such functions hold any relevance? And how many such cultural practices are adopted for the sake of adhering to customs? I was surprised to note that puberty functions are even performed abroad by Indian families or organised in India during their visits.

“The puberty functions are basically to send out a message that our girl at home is fit for marriage and reproduction. It’s also the informal beginning of putting together the girl’s dowry and wedding trousseau. My parents were extremely disappointed when I decided to stay single so far,” says Nandini Nair, another friend who had her puberty function years ago.

Girls are usually not asked for their consent for performing puberty functions. Parents confuse their daughters by holding puberty ceremonies that have all the ingredients of pre-wedding ceremonies and the girls are caught in the spiral of continuing gender norms. Holding extravagant puberty ceremonies and dressing girls up like brides is a continuation of the patriarchal position of viewing women as wives and as reproductive agents. Many girls do not even have the agency or ability to question such traditions and look forward to them since they are lavished with gifts and attention during the function.

When something that is supposed to be natural and positive like menstruation also carries negative connotations like taboos and superstitions, it is difficult and confusing for young girls to view themselves and their bodies positively. It only serves to promote the innate sexism and patriarchy these traditions were built on. It’s about time we critically question such traditions to empower women and encourage open conversations on menstrual health and positivity.