What Your Waiter Notices About You While You Dine

The diners expect that their orders are correct and they get refills on time.

The servers, apart from serving food, keenly observe the customer’s attitude, appearance, way of speaking and other details like table etiquette, cell phone placement, how food is ordered. Waiters heed these details so that they are ready to do their job smoothly and serve better.

On discussing with restaurant captains and other seasoned wait staff about what exactly they notice about their customers and why these are important, their answers and observations were quite fascinating.

Tackling the phone – Phones are out of sight or in a purse or pocket while dining with others. But today people put their phone face up next to their plate, multitasking, and are not focussing on the meals. Some put it face down on the table, to show they’re paying attention. Those who hold their phones in one hand during their entire meal, either taking pictures or looking at it, do they show that they are not enjoying eating out? None of the companions are enjoying eating out with them?

Grasp of dining etiquette – Dining experience is not how you are served but how you understand the etiquette, which includes using your fork, placing the napkin, wine glass, ordering — the list goes on. This reflects how comfortable (or not) you may feel in the restaurant. It also suggests a bit more about your background or the type of business you’re in.

Treating hospitality workers — The tone of the diners should be polite rather than giving the impression that they are inherently better than the staff due to the fact they can afford to dine. How they say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ reflects a lot about the diners. Customers are noticed from the moment they walk in through door; their expression and interaction with bussers, cleaners, food runners and others in the restaurant say a lot about their character. “A kind person will be kind to everyone.”

How do you split the cheque — Some just hand over their cards and without even looking at the bill, showing off that they are rich enough not to worry about money. Some forgo complicated maths and just split the bill in half, reflecting a lot about the customer who likes things simple and quick, no fuss. If one argues about the bill or pulls out a calculator to figure out what each person owes, down to the penny, it shows frugalness that keeps a close eye on the bank account. If one is unsure about how to handle the bill, the server will be more than happy to help.

How you place your order – Manner of ordering speaks a lot about one’s kindness, empathy, table etiquette and type of services during the visit. There are those who quickly order straight off the menu, some want to hear the list of specials (possibly twice) and deliberate for a bit, and others want their meal custom-prepared and spend 30 minutes asking detailed questions. The last group comprises maybe 5% of customers, but they take up 95% of the time of the servers. They’re likely to send their food back or reject it outright.

How you interact with others at the table — Waiters are observant and pick up everything, especially how people interact with those at the table, how couples look at each other, how friends sit (side-by-side or across), how parents treat their children or whether they exhibit impolite behaviour in front of friends and family. How they’ll act as your server depends on these inputs. Often kids get ignored, but when they are taken care of, then you are the best servers and the reward is high on tips.

To be served better here are the do’s and don’ts of dining out:

* Holding up your glass for a refill – Simply leave your glass on the table, or if you’re seated in a hard-to-reach spot, pick it up and hand it to your server.

* Going to the server station – Signal to your server that you need assistance, and wait for them to come to you.

* Splitting the cheque at the end — Decide at the beginning of the meal who is paying for what and how many bills you’ll need, then let your waiter know.

* Putting trash in glasses — Keep trash contained to a spot or two on the table, and place napkins next to your plate.

* Using terms of endearment for wait staff — Call your server by the name on their nametag.

* Ordering for everyone — have each person tell the server his or her order. Even children can do this and practise their manners while they’re at it. Plus, they tend to love doing it because it makes them feel grown up.

* Giving cooking instructions when ordering — Stick to personal requests, like how rare or well done you’d like your meat, or if you have any allergies.

* Giving physical compliments — Compliment the serving skills and be sure to tell their manager as well, so they can be recognised for their hard work.

* Stacking plates — While it’s fine to stack a few dishes to get them out of the way (like appetiser plates), leave the bussing to the busser.

* Putting your napkin on top of a dirty plate — When you’re done eating, place your napkin on the table, next to your plate.

* Seating yourself — Proper dining etiquette states that you wait to be seated. Also, don’t change tables without talking to a host or server first.

* Ordering from another server — Politely ask another server to flag down your server.

* Lifting things off the tray — Move items out of the way so there’s room for the server to place your food on the table.

* Not speaking up if there’s a problem — Don’t be afraid to speak up if there’s a problem. Just make sure to do so politely.

* Cleaning up after an accident — An apology is enough, and then let the kitchen steward take care of it.