When AR Rahman Had Suicidal Thoughts & How He Overcame That Dark Phase

Mumbai: AR Rahman is an absolute legend in Indian music.

But there was a time when the double Academy Award winner for ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ had to deal with suicidal thoughts.

The 57-year-old Rahman opened up about spirituality and mental health while interacting with students of Oxford Union debating society.

The Padma Bhushan awardee and winner of multiple other national and global accolades like Grammy, BAFTA and Golden Globe revealed that he had suicidal thoughts at a young age, and it was his mother Kareema Begum’s words that helped him overcame that phase.

“When I had suicidal thoughts when I was young, my mother used to say, ‘When you live for others, you won’t get these thoughts’. That’s one of the most beautiful advice I got from my mother. When you live for others, and you’re not selfish, there’s a meaning to your life. I took it very seriously, whether you’re composing for somebody, writing for something, buying food for a person who can’t afford it, or you just smile at someone, these are the things that keep us going,” Rahman said.

“Also, we have a limited knowledge about our future. There could be something extraordinary waiting for you. If you have all these things, and hope, that’s what keeps me going. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve done it all, that I’m in a repetitive cycle, and then you realise there’s a bigger role for you,” Rahman said about what keeps him going.

Rahman shared a close bond with his mother, who died in 2020.

Asked why he doesn’t talk more about spirituality, Rahman said: “We all have dark times. One thing is definite, it’s a small little travel in this world. We were born, and we’re going to go. It’s not a permanent place for us. Where we’re going to go, we don’t know. (It depends) on each person’s own imagination and beliefs.”

Rahman’s last film music composition was for ‘Pippa’, featuring Ishaan Khatter and Mrunal Thakur.

Among his upcoming film projects are Sivakarthikeyan’s ‘Ayalaan’, Rajinikanth’s ‘Lal Salaam’, Ajay Devgn’s ‘Maidaan’, Imtiaz Ali’s ‘Chamkila’, Aanand L Rai’s next, Dhanush’s ‘D50’, Prithviraj Sukumaran’s ‘The Goat Life’ and Mani Ratnam’s ‘Thug Life’.