Women Are Doing It All

We have seen and continue to witness women increasingly take up careers in engineering, technology, finance, business, defence forces, sports et al– careers that were earlier considered exclusive male bastions. Women are driving, flying, piloting, joining the Army, scaling mountains and much more. They are now economically independent, self-reliant and becoming bread earners for their families and also managing their lives spectacularly even while being single.

Women are picking up and learning self-defence, enjoying kick-boxing and karate, and relishing football and tennis. They are confident about themselves and also confident about dealing with men.

Besides, we are also seeing more and more parents encouraging their girl children to take up hobbies, skills and careers which were previously considered for boys only. Girls are being taught to be self-reliant, independent, confident, fearless and achieve their dreams.

Now, contrast this to boys and men. Are more men taking up careers which are conventionally considered female careers? Say teaching, nursing, caregiving, entertainment and hospitality? Or more importantly, are parents teaching their young boys to be equally self-reliant by encouraging them to take up cooking, cleaning, washing and caregiving? Or are they teaching their male youngsters about gender equality, dignity of labour, consent and respecting women with dreams, ambitions, and careers?

Sadly no. Although gender roles are changing and men are assuming a larger share of the housework and childcare than previously, glaring gender gaps are still seen in both work and family life, especially when it comes to sharing childcare, housework, the wage gap etc. Indian women in male-dominated industries have made more significant strides than men in female-dominated industries and are proving to be equal providers, which shows the rapid rise of the Indian women professionally.

But while Indian men may appreciate smart, independent and successful women, they are just not ready to accept and respect them as equal partners. The ingrained gender roles make men feel intimidated and uncomfortable around ambitious and intelligent alpha females.

Some parents proudly say that ‘my daughter is like my son’ (sexist though) when they are independent and when women are primary breadwinners in a family, they are supposed to be wearing the pants! But do we see parents describing their son ‘like my daughter’ when he takes over domestic chores and caregiving responsibilities? Not really! Such labelling will surely not have the same weightage as that of a male personification.

For the last several years parents have been making efforts to raise daughters stronger and equal to men but not on raising sons equal to women and to accept strong women. But while we are raising empowered girls and women, we are not raising boys and men who can accept and respect such empowered women. Or to make our sons more sensitive towards emotions and to let our sons be as emotional and vulnerable as a woman. In this endeavour to make our daughters ‘like sons’, we tend to forget to make our sons ‘like daughters’ as well.

Girls and women, in order to prove they are no less than their male counterparts, have surged ahead to learn and take up a lot of skills, responsibilities and activities which were believed to be stereotypically male like driving, being primary bread winners, taking on building and repair works etc. Unfortunately, boys and men have not kept up the pace and still have a long way to go to take up household and caregiving responsibilities.

However, while women are becoming independent and perhaps earning more than their male counterparts, they continue to bear the large share of the burden of domestic and nurturing responsibilities in their families. And in trying to achieve the balance and to ‘have it all,’ they stretch themselves to live up to the purported image of the ‘wonder woman.’

But at the same time, while men are enjoying the economic participation of women and want their women to work and contribute to household expense, they also want their wives and mothers to continue with their domestic and caregiving work. Men still want their wives to cook, clean, wash, keep house, look after the children and other family members. And when women refuse to adjust, balance out or compromise, marital discord sets in frequently.

I often hear senior family members accusing wives of causing marital conflicts and divorces. According to them, empowered and financially independent women are neglecting their primary duty and responsibility as a wife, mother and the lady of the house! They love it as long as the daughters-in-laws continue to do it all without voicing their opinions or objecting to the inequality. I know of husbands who come home from work earlier than their wives, but still expect their wives to hand them over the cup of tea and make dinner. They call it ‘love’ and ‘wifely duties.

So the new-age wonder woman wakes up early, prepares (or oversees the preparation) breakfast, packs tiffin and lunches for the family, gets ready, drops children in school, attends work, does grocery shopping, supervises domestic helps, prepares meals, attends to guests, helps children in their studies and the modern man picks up  a few tasks, while basking in the comfort of an efficient and multi-tasking partner.

Multitasking is conventionally perceived as a woman’s domain, especially one with children who has to routinely balance work, run the household, nurture children and also attend to social commitments. It means working mothers are often juggling a multitude of activities from meeting hospital appointments and planning parties to child drop offs and hobby classes, along with their regular jobs, commutes and careers. Working mothers often carry a greater mental burden organising the needs of the family together with domestic responsibilities and professional requirements.

However, the myth of multitasking as a women-only skill has been broken by new studies which show that women are actually no better at multitasking than men. It’s high time we challenge such myths that not only overburdens women but also conditions them to juggle work, family and household tasks.

Interestingly, more and more successful, independent Indian women with lives of their own are now preferring to stay single rather than ‘settling down’ with any guy for the sake of marriage. They choose to stay single rather than take up full time the responsibility of domestic chores and child rearing. They are making their own choices when it comes to dating, marriage, sex, career, challenging socio-cultural gender stereotypes, having children and also confidently voicing their own opinions. Which is disconcerting for the Indian men.

Men hardly realise the privileges they have been born into as a result of patriarchy and are often unaware of the privileges and entitlement that they have enjoyed which has marked relations and forged unequal power between the genders. They often fear, consciously and unconsciously, that empowerment of girls and women will result in breaking this established power and social structure.

It’s time to perk up — all you men and your parents. It’s a much more productive, dignified and happier life when we graciously accept and value the new Indian women with her independent life, career and mind. And women, stop feeling guilty and spread your wings for the sky is yours. The wonder woman is a myth. Be wonder full!