Just the other day, I was part of a meeting when two officers began discussing about a female employee going on maternity leave. The look of mild irritation and displeasure was clearly evident in the expression of the senior official discussing the matter with his colleague. “I had assigned something important to her and she has now suddenly applied for maternity leave. She should have told me earlier. Such people cannot be relied upon,” he complained, to which his junior colleague, quipped, “Sir, I have my doubts if she will even join after the birth of the baby.”
Being familiar with their organisation, I came to know later that the lady in question who had applied for maternity leave had suddenly developed pregnancy related complications and had been advised complete bed rest by her doctor. I could completely empathise with the lady engineer and her probable quandary. A complicated pregnancy, child birth, child rearing vs career. But how often do colleagues, bosses, HR departments, spouses and family members recognise and address this pervasive challenge that millions of working mothers experience throughout their most productive years of their career?
The late 20s and 30s for an Indian woman is the time when she is building her career and also her personal life. But professionally successful women are always under constant pressure to first get married and then after a year or two to have children. The biological clock is persistently ticking for women in the reproductive age group. And it’s often in conflict with women trying to establish their career in their most productive years.
A few years into their professional life is usually followed by marriage and then a child or children. The battle continues till the children grow up and by then, most of the women have either reached a reasonably good position (albeit carrying on the difficult balancing act) or compromised professionally to just stay afloat in their career. And sometimes, there comes a phase when she has to choose between motherhood and a thriving career.
An average working woman’s life suddenly changes when she decides to have a child with the struggle to be productive or reproductive always playing in the background. And the conflict is compounded when motherhood is chosen over career or vice versa. What’s worse, it’s women who are blamed for choosing either of the options or even trying to manage both, battling multiple challenges.
I am not sure about the origin of the quote – We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work – but it surely resonates with all working mothers who continue to remain conflicted juggling career and motherhood.
Journalist and author Amy Westervelt in her book “Forget Having It All” writes about the working mom dilemma where the women feel guilty — guilty for working and guilty for not. She writes about her experience as a working mother who files a story for a journalism assignment only two days after giving birth and explains how mothers are unfairly treated – from inadequate maternity leave to gender-based double standards, emotional labour to the wage gap. She writes, “Blurred boundaries of work time spill into family time, and half listening to your children’s stories from their day or missing out on meaningful time with them can lead moms to feel like they are failing.”
Working moms are often compelled to make decisions in their career that working fathers wouldn’t have to make. They forego promising job opportunities, promotions and career development trainings (that require long periods away from home). They have to plan their work travels, decline after office network meetings for their domestic compulsions which is both time consuming and never-ending. Children fall sick, they have exams, annual functions, extra-curricular activities, birthday parties and mothers play a central role it all.
Some women work till the last day of their pregnancy to save on their maternity leave for the baby after the delivery despite combating challenges like physical discomfort, extreme exhaustion, sickness etc. And when they return to office after completing their maternity leave, it’s often to an unwelcoming and compromised work environment.
Women are constantly judged from the time they get married, right from their decision to have or not to have children, the number of children or the way they want to take care of them and bring them up. Women who refuse to adhere to the conventional and gendered norms of motherhood are ridiculed and termed selfish. At the work place too, mothers are looked down upon for not staying till long at office or for taking leave too often.
With few organisations having an enabling and gender-friendly work culture providing paternity leave, flexible working hours, crèche facilities in office premises, women are constantly pressurised to either juggle or quit their jobs. With long breaks, some women gradually lose their confidence, their excellent academic credentials, experience and competency notwithstanding.
Men hardly face this dilemma. It’s perfectly fine and easy for most men to travel, stay late, go for office parties and trainings and network without having to bother about homework, school pick-ups and sick children etc. While working fathers are lauded for being ‘professional’ and ‘ambitious,’ working mothers are either chastised for not being good enough mothers or competent professionals.
While the effect of motherhood, working hours, career breaks and school going children upon career progression has been discussed widely, its actual scale and magnitude has received less research attention. A research titled “Motherhood and its impact on career progression,” examined the impact of these factors individually and cumulatively on nursing workforces in NHS Scotland from 2000‐2008. The variables examined include gender, employment grades, number and length of career breaks, lengths of service, age, working patterns, the number and age of dependent children.
The results revealed that motherhood has a regressively detrimental effect on women’s career progression. Women who take a career break of greater than two years see their careers depressed and restricted. The results confirmed that while gender has a relatively positive effect on male career progression; a women’s career progression is reduced incrementally as she has more children.
As a working mother myself, most of my career decisions have been shaped by motherhood. From transitioning careers, to letting go of promotions and travel I have made choices that perhaps others did not have to make. And the choices are socially accepted and approved as completely natural after becoming a mother. In this limited space between difficult choices and motherhood, working mothers are again told to pursue an elusive work-life balance, a trap which women easily fall for.
Working mothers often experience guilt over their parenting decisions or their hours at the office, constantly chasing this elusive work-life balance. A working mother at work inevitably means missing out on some moments as a mother. For women, it feels like a no-win situation, sometimes fuelling feelings of guilt, exhaustion and extreme stress that also lead to burnout. On the other hand, while stepping down from work obligations can be less stressful and personally rewarding for women, it is often at the cost of their dreams and aspirations.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, mothers had to juggle work, education and care of their children along with housework. The work-life balance became further unachievable in the post-pandemic world where the lines between work and life have been blurred.
It’s both sad and outrageous that even after many years of equal opportunities and changing social and gendered norms, motherhood still limits women’s career progress. Glorification of motherhood at the cost of women’s aspirations, career and productivity is antiquated. It’s high time we bring fathers into the narrative around work-life balance as well. Workplace policies need to radically improve to enable working mothers to pursue their career aspirations, participate and contribute freely without being consumed by the burden of guilt and exhaustion.
