Being Unfair To Fair Sex

In the mid-1970s my father was posted as Deputy Inspector General (DIG) of Police, Sambalpur, but we continued staying at Cuttack due to academic compulsions. My mother used to go to Sambalpur once in a while. One day on her return from Sambalpur she rushed to the washroom in such a tearing hurry that it raised my concern. She actually was accompanying a friend of my father, who decided to travel to Cuttack at a stretch. Enroute he was taking breaks to relieve himself, but somehow it didn’t occur to him that my mother would also be having the same urge. To save embarrassment, my mother decided to trust her bladder, which almost gave in by the time she reached home.

One day while on our tour to South India during probation, we set out on an overnight journey by bus somewhere in Tamil Nadu. After a hard day in the field, I passed out in the bus. Early in the morning when I got up, I realised our bus was standing in the middle of nowhere because of a severe traffic jam on the highway. It was drizzling outside and fellow probationers were going out to the paddy fields to relieve themselves. Since there was no other option the lady officers also followed suit to the muffled giggles and snide comments of some of their male counterparts. Ladies were definitely not supposed to indulge in such outrageous acts!!

After the Super Cyclone in October 1999 in coastal Odisha, I used to travel a lot in the affected areas to supervise relief operations. I observed that in the free kitchens hardly any woman was taking food; I was told by the villagers, “They won’t take food here.” “But why?” I wondered. The answer I got was startling. Since most of the areas had been inundated due to rain/ flood it was extremely difficult for the women to attend to the call of nature. Therefore, they had no option but to starve themselves and not even drink water. And no one thought it was an issue!

During this period, I met a lady who had lost her husband and son in the catastrophe. She was traumatized and depressed, but hardly had any sympathiser. Rather she was being taunted for being an inauspicious woman responsible for the tragedy that had befallen her family. However, people had full compassion for men who lost their wives.

Can men really appreciate women-specific issues?

In 1980 when the first batch of three lady officers breached the male bastion of Indian Forest Service (IFS) many eyebrows were raised. The lady officers not only had to perform at par with their male counterparts, but also were required to prove a point at every stage. When Savita joined as the first lady IFS officer in Himachal Pradesh people who mattered were clueless about, where and how to ‘adjust’ her, and started exploring ‘soft postings’. Savita, the strong character that she was, met the Minister of Forests and picked up the gauntlet that she be given a chance to prove her mettle. On her insistence, she was posted in a heavy Territorial Division with the condition that if she failed, she should not grudge ‘soft postings’ for the rest of her career. She joined as Divisional Forest Officer, Kulu, in 1990 and had a very successful stint for a period of three and a half years, without giving any scope to anyone to complain. (Incidentally, Savita had an illustrious career and rose to the highest rank in the service.) This has been more or less the case for all the lady officers who joined the IFS in the 1980s and, thereafter, this matter has been set to rest.

In 1996 I was selected for undergoing a three-month course; “Training of Trainers”, organized by British Council in the UK. Archana Sharma was the only lady officer in the group of 18, selected from various Forest Training Institutes. In Edinburgh, we along with participants from other countries were to share three-bedroom apartments in one complex. Archana, Abhay Johri and I shared an apartment, something not thinkable back at home in those days. Archana was quite comfortable and gender was never an issue. In the relaxed environment Archana opened up and became more of a friend than a colleague. She narrated several incidents on predicament of a lady officer: “In the State the office infrastructure is primarily designed with men in mind, but that’s not an issue. The problem is more beyond office hours. While interacting with senior officers one is expected to have a very polite demeanour, even subtly extending to flattery. But a lady officer has to walk a tight rope, your sweet talks could be interpreted as seductive overtures. What is worse, in social interactions a lady officer has to make conscious efforts to communicate to the ‘Bhabhijis’ that she has absolutely no intention of enticing their ‘gullible’ husbands.”

My ‘batchmate-in-law’ Sobha, besides being a brilliant officer is a lively person. She is married to the topper of our batch, Sundarvadan, who had an eventful career and was always in the limelight. Unfortunately, in 2013 he slipped into a state of coma due to a tumour in the brain. This resulted in paralysis of the right side and severe impairment of communication skills. Sundar from being a dominating husband, suddenly became a dependent child for Sobha. And she took on herself all matters of Sundar personally while continuing to deftly handle her own career. The way she has been taking care of her husband is something exemplary. When Sobha used to come to Delhi for meetings she would invariably meet me. She would call him up to convey my greetings. But Sundar’s only concern would be, when was she returning home. I have never seen Sobha grimace, let alone be in a pensive mood. She is jovial all the time; equally positive about forest matters of her State and her husband’s health. I wonder whether it would be really possible for a man to be like her.

I know Mini as a multifaceted personality excelling in all the fields she works, she is a writer, a poet, a film maker, an actor, a teacher, a story teller and what not. She has always been very bold and straightforward for the comfort of male chauvinists, who veil their timidity with traditional bigotry. She has been slandered with wild character assassination, the easiest weapon against a woman. Even a very close relative of hers has debarred his wife and children from interactions with her as she is a ‘bad influence’. But she has never cared two hoots for all these. But the fact remains, she has been successful in whatever she has done and also enjoys conjugal bliss. She lives with her head held high and with conviction for the causes that she stands for. I wish all our women, particularly those in public life, were like her.