Empathy: Why Do We Need It Even More Now?

At a recent get-together, a young relative who works in one of the topmost corporate firms expressed his bewilderment at the continuing farmer’/agricultural labourers’ suicides in the Country. “I just fail to understand instead of taking precautionary steps why are they repeating their mistakes and then taking their own lives?” he questioned in disbelief. Though harsh, the young man’s views were hardly surprising considering where he came from. He, like many others, simply could not conceive a situation where a marginalised section of people could be compelled to take their own lives, not being able to clear their debts, bear the burden of repeated crop failures and experiencing multiple distress.

Those who are fortunate enough to be raised amidst abundant resources, conveniences and as active participants and beneficiaries of the privileged narrative will find it hard to imagine a person being worried about the next meal or wasting away due to forced hunger. Or for that matter, a ‘straight,’ mainstream heterosexual person will find it hard to reason why transgenders engage in sexual work for their livelihood. Or else, why people from a minority religion are sensitive about portraying their religious identity in the face of another religious majority.

Globalisation, technology, and enhanced means of communication and connectivity have shrunk our worlds. The people however have retreated into their own islands and bubbles, smug in their own worlds, biases and privileges. And if there is one thing that people Left, Right and Centre agree on – it is that our understanding and perception of the existing political, social, economic and cultural differences are getting less diversified and increasingly polarised and narrower. So, in a world afflicted by increasing inequality, intolerance, polarisation and a fragile socio-economic and political order how do we find common ground to solve common problems and make it a better place?

Also, with more and more people living in their own homogeneous social bubbles, they are surrounded by people who look, think and feel, earn, spend, enjoy, and celebrate similarly. Likewise, their actions, biases, and prejudices are also similar. Do we ever wonder about situations, experiences and challenges of people, different from us? Or are we even cognizant of the different problems or experiences of people who are not similar to us?

A growing lack of empathy is in fact, one of the main reasons for some of our biggest challenges today, including a waning of humanity. Empathy is the ability to perceive and understand the feelings, thoughts and experiences of others. It is the ability to sense another person’s perspective, needs or intentions, even when you don’t share the same circumstances. Being able to put oneself in another’s shoes is empathy and walking in those shoes is acting on that understanding.

There’s no doubt that empathetic people positively contribute to peaceful, healthier and sustainable families, communities and society. We first learn (or not learn) about empathy from our parents, families and our surroundings, which gets gradually influenced by other factors as we grow older. Research has shown that empathy makes people better family members, friends, colleagues, bosses and leaders. The impact is much bigger than just its personal effect.

Empathy is also understanding and being considerate about the negative or undesirable actions of others, say for example, people with drug abuse or with a criminal background on the road to recovery or rehabilitation. Being able to listen and allowing people to honestly share their experiences without the fear of judgment, punishment, or humiliation creates empathy in an otherwise difficult situation.

When we are consciously and unconsciously indifferent to the challenges and circumstances of people around us, away from us or different from us, it not only leads to misunderstandings, conflicts, damaged and unhealthy relationships but also makes us join the growing breed of people who have simply stopped connecting to their fellow human beings. Empathy is definitely in short supply in our world today, where we find it hard to understand people who aren’t like us, and yet easy to hate them.

Although there has been a rising empathy deficit with some even dismissing or ridiculing it as a ‘soft or weak’ attribute, thankfully some organisations and leaders have begun to recognise the importance of empathy at work places, business and as a critical organisation value. Besides promoting diversity and inclusion at work places, organisations are initiating empathy coaching and training for leaders and staff to create an environment of flexibility, open communication and compassion to not only understand and resolve problems but also validating their experiences.

But can empathy be really learnt? In his groundbreaking book, “The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World,” Jamil Zaki, the director of the Social Neuroscience Lab at Stanford University shares cutting-edge research, including experiments from his own lab, showing that empathy is not a fixed trait — something we’re born with or not —but rather a skill that can be strengthened through effort. He tells the stories of people who embody this new perspective, fighting for kindness in the most difficult of circumstances. He writes about meeting a former neo-Nazi who is now helping to extract people from hate groups, ex-prisoners discussing novels with the judge who sentenced them, police officers changing their culture to decrease violence among their ranks, etc.

Although some people are more naturally empathetic than others, empathy is a quality that can be actively learnt and also encouraged or discouraged. Zaki explains that our brains change in response to experiences, habits and practices. Even understanding that empathy is something that can be cultivated by us, empowers people to work harder at it.

Practising empathy means purposefully trying to understand, how others feel and being compassionate towards them. It can happen scientifically when two parts of our brain – the emotional centre which perceives the feelings of others and the cognitive centre that tries to understand – work together.

There are steps people can take to practice and develop empathy. Talking with and knowing new people with different backgrounds than us (different race, ethnicity, gender, religion, ability level, sexual orientation, ideology, etc.), attending or spending time in a different place of worship/locality from ours, joining causes for a shared goal, raising empathetic children and exposing them to diversity to grow up without prejudice, honestly talking about biases and privileges, etc. are among some of the actions which, we can all take to improve our empathy quotient. And if someone’s behaviour is vexing, think about why and try putting yourself in their shoes for a while.

Acknowledging that we all come with our own experiences, privileges and biases is another important measure. Our biases and privileges (or lack of it) shape our opinions. It accords us with special status that we didn’t earn and don’t necessarily recognise and realize we benefit from. Understanding our privileges, identities and other factors that work in our favour can help analyse our attitudes and behaviours.

Although some people may have extremely low empathy due to illness or trauma, we all have the capacity to develop it. Moreover, empathy is helpful, not just to the people around us, but to ourselves as well. People with low empathy have trouble connecting to other people, respond in inappropriate ways, have trouble understanding how their behaviour affects others and have difficulty maintaining relationships.

It is important to create a culture of diversity, inclusion and acceptance in our families, workplaces, educational institutions, public spaces to help people to rise above political, religious and ethnic polarisation and socio-cultural divisions for a sustainable and humane future.

It is easy to dismiss empathy as a soft skill that leaves us vulnerable or left behind in a hard, aggressive and ambitious world. But it’s a proven fact that empathic individuals experience greater happiness and contentment in both their personal and professional lives. As former US President Barack Obama had said “Learning to stand in somebody else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins. And it’s up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.” 

So, don’t just stand in someone else’s shoes, but take a walk in them. Attend someone else’s temple, church, mosque while they attend yours, talk to a person with a different sexual orientation than yours, spend a day with mentally challenged children, visit a nearby slum, invite a homeless person for a meal, volunteer your time in an orphanage… The world today needs more empathy and we are all in this together.