By this time we have already gone through two lockdowns but it’s never too late to write on the issue of anger management in such situations. Am I writing in anticipation of another wave of the dreaded pandemic and yet another lockdown? Well, God forbid!
Even though I say it myself, I am proud to proclaim that I have become a wiser person, more in control of myself (my family, of course, is loathe to agree). I am wisdom personified, I can almost feel it oozing out of my very being and my dignified white hair only accentuates it.
Jokes apart, most of us have become calmer driven by such trying circumstances and have learnt our anger management lesson, simply because we have been pushed to a corner and that’s the only way to buy family peace.
Many skeletons have tumbled out of the cupboard, we have discovered our own and each other’s darker side (which surprisingly did not manifest so far despite living under the same roof, again, simply because we were never at home together for such a long period), many irritating and annoying habits have come to the fore – picking the nose, scratching the butt, farting, loud burping and what have you! Believe it or not, under abnormal circumstances, such as being under house arrest during the lockdown, repetition of these little things can lead to larger conflicts at home.
In other words, anything can be a trigger because everyone is on a short fuse. There is general bickering, disagreements, emotions running high, and then Boom! Explosions!
Suddenly, your home, which you considered a haven of peace and tranquility is a war zone. So what do you do? To be honest, there is no set of rules, no theories. No amount of lighting candles, listening to devotional music or sermons can help. You have to be self-taught because it is all in the mind and no one controls your mind better than you. All our actions are accompanied by an inner voice that tells us what is wrong and what is right. You have to let your mind guide your actions.
The important thing is to have self-control, which is a mindful exercise through introspection. Being spiritual and trying to bring yourself in rhythm with the universe also helps. The more you pay your gratitude for your good fortune and the more you pray for others, the better your self-control.
Although there are no cardinal principles or rules of the book, some actions can definitely help in dousing the fire when tempers run high. If anything costs you your peace, it’s too expensive. So try this:
- Give the other person the benefit of doubt because everyone is sailing in the same boat.
- Don’t think your challenge is bigger than the other person’s or even your child’s who is deprived of both school and time.
- Walk away from an argument.
- The best option is to remain silent and be a good listener because sooner or later, you will get your turn too.
- Do anything to distract yourself, even mundane tasks such as folding washed clothes, cleaning the refrigerator, trying to read something, tidying your cupboard, etc.
- For God’s sake, don’t put on loud music or switch on the TV because this would signify that you are either defiant or you don’t care.
- Don’t go out of the way to please the other person. Just keep out of his way and give time for the embers to cool down.
If you fail in these little gestures or don’t try them at all, you might like to seek professional help but believe me, nothing that he says is going to help unless you help yourself. As they say, “Doctor toh dawai dega, khaani to aapko hai.”
My white hair is testimony to my words of wisdom (but don’t ask my children).
Muft ki salah hai, le lo.
And now you may ask what was the trigger for writing this article?
An explosion in my house last night. Subject of conflict: “Aaj raat ko khana kya banega!”
Mundane question. Serious repercussions.
