My Survival Mantra: ‘Don’t Be Judgemental’

I think I am growing old gracefully, the first sign of which is my grey hair. In my opinion, ‘grace’ in ageing is inclusive and also means a change in attitude. Unfortunately, this cannot be generalised and varies from person to person. Some age in years and appearance but have stagnated mental growth, while some evolve in their attitude also. Some just mellow down with age owing to compelling circumstances but still have a myopic outlook on life and relationships.

I have been a rapid learner of life’s lessons. A victim of some unfortunate circumstances, I have consciously made adversity define me to be the person I am today. Not to say that I have not stumbled during the journey. It’s been very rickety to say the least.

I am at that juncture in life, where I can safely proclaim that I have taken the path less trodden but seen the proverbial ‘light at the end of the tunnel.’

My survival mantra at this age is not to be judgemental. It doesn’t come in a day or in many. It is a gradual process. But it definitely makes life much easier and adds to one’s happiness quotient. When I was young and maybe a little brash, categorising people on the basis of their appearance, wealth, attire and even gait was gameplay.

Having spent my entire youth and middle age in a newspaper room, I mostly perceived myself to be the denizen of a different world, a thinking world, a conscious, informed citizen unlike the ‘aunties’ of the other world who hopped from one kitty party to another or the gossip mongering ladies whose evenings are spent in bhajan-kirtan. I rivelled in the fact that I was a working woman and belonged to separate class altogether.

The years rolled by and brought me to where I am today. I recently attended my first kitty party in a colour coordinated attired, I played tambola and cracked some lame and some good jokes. I even laughed when others cracked similar jokes. I look forward to bhajan-kirtans and bhandaras. I make small talk. I have found the little joys in such activities and realised I was wrong all along.

To each his own. I had no business in judging people for their beliefs and choices. Who am I?

“It’s a sign of ageing,” my educated relative remarked. I beg to differ. “It’s a sign of evolving.” Acceptance and being non-judgemental doesn’t necessarily mean you have grown old. It means you are wiser. Life is better when you assume people are doing their best. It keeps you out of judgment and lets you focus on what is, and not what should or could be.

Believe me, it is possible to train your mind to be more accepting and think beyond oneself. It’s very easy to crucify someone who does not fit into our boxed-in perceptions of what is right. There is actually no need to judge anyone by your own standards. Just let them be.

Being judgemental borders on being critical but not in being opinionated. Not having the latter quality can be dangerous.