O Womaniya! Celebrate Yourself

 Women’s lives are complex. And Being a woman is not always easy. But would we have it any other way? Absolutely not!

Despite the age-old gender biases, discrimination, multiple roles, the tightrope walk, monthly periods, hormonal imbalances –  I love being a woman. Never have I thought to have it any other way. For Being a woman is indeed a celebration. An opportunity to discover varied and unique facets of ourselves.

And I also love that we have a day dedicated to us. No matter what the detractors say, International Women’s Day serves an important purpose and is a collective day of the global celebration of all the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. It is a day for reemphasizing the call to action for gender equity and to keep the conversations flowing in our homes, communities and countries. And it’s not just about women, it also brings into focus the discrimination faced by all genders and includes people of all backgrounds and ages. To consider what we can do to make the world a more equal place for everyone.

More importantly, it’s also about celebrating ourselves as women, honouring sisterhood and elevating women. I find it a great occasion to celebrate not just me, but also my band of sisters, women friends and the female members of my family and the fact that together we all have loved, inspired, cheered each other.

On this International Women’s Day, I can’t help pondering on what we need to keep resolving and espousing individually and collectively celebrate, support and inspire, not just ourselves but also other women in our lives throughout the year.

You are important and enough. Sometimes we’re so engrossed in ensuring everything gets done for everyone that we forget to pause and consider our own worth, substance and awesomeness. As writer Anna Quindlen perfectly said, “After all those years as a woman hearing ‘not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not this enough, not that enough,’ almost overnight I woke up one morning and thought, “I’m enough.”  So, always, Love Yourself.

We women do not have it easy. Our lives are like a hurdle race, battling one prejudice after another in our homes, societies and workplaces. Our homes, families, children always take precedence. And at times, we are too wearied or resigned to the situation. And it is with this innate sense of being always responsive and responsible for our families we let go of opportunities, chances and occasions. Apply for that job, take up guitar lessons, join the dance class, go for that vacation, don’t forgo the promotion. Be fierce and seize the moment, the opportunity and the power. Fight for it, fight your way up and around. No one said it better than Maya Angelou: “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”

I love women who break stereotypes. No one is more conditioned and typecast as much as women in our society. But they are much more than what is expected of them or not expected from them. For me, it’s personally liberating seeing and interacting women who have smashed these stereotypes. While some women land themselves in such situations, others chose it for themselves. But they are all brave, radical and unapologetic. And cheers to that!

While there are hundreds of women across countries who continue to inspire us with their accomplishments, courage and thoughts, it is equally important for us to be inspirational exemplars for women around us – our daughters, nieces, colleagues. I draw deep strength and encouragement from my women friends, acquaintances and family members who have battled odds to become achievers in their own ways, set benchmarks, reached milestones and importantly, have dented patriarchal norms and practices. The way we women lead our own individual lives can be a source of inspiration to many around us. So, continue to be inspiring and to be inspired by women around us.

Don’t shy away from being a Feminist. I am often asked by both men and women if I am a feminist. And I proudly say, I am! To put it simply, for me being a feminist means acknowledging the age-old gender bias, unlearning a few of the gender norms that we have internalised, raising daughters and sons differently, voicing our concerns against prejudices and standing up for ourselves and other oppressed women and believing in the equality of all genders. Feminist writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in her book “We Should All Be Feminists” says, “My own definition of a feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better.” Of course, my feminism may differ from yours and we don’t all have to believe in the same feminism as long as we can imbibe the fundamental principles and respect the differences and embrace its pluralism.

There’s no bonding like that of sisterhood among women. That sense of solidarity, understanding, trust, support that we provide each other is indeed a force to reckon with. As someone rightly said the power of women gathering is immeasurable. Sisterhood is powerful, and we must believe in lifting each other up, picking up when the other falls, becoming each other’s ally and holding hands in solidarity for a common goal. Nurture, support and cheer for your girlfriends, for the women around you and for all girls and women in general. Go on, celebrate your sisterhood bonds.

Many times, we are not given our due, are forced to step down and are presented with a compromised version of ourselves. But remember never let go of your sense of self and your dignity and devalue yourself in this bargain. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, express your grievance, fight for your rights and truth and reclaim your spot. Don’t be assailed by fears and failures. Hold your head high, pick up the fallen crown and set it right on your head. As Nora Ephron rightly points out, “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” And don’t forget, no one can make you feel weak or inferior without your consent.

When women grow older, they face the double discrimination of sexism and ageism. But honestly, we women age better than men and let’s be badass about it. As I grow older, I am more confident of my opinions, thoughts and desires. I am secure about myself and have stopped paying attention to negative and unhelpful responses. It’s hugely liberating not to be validated by others but by our own selves. I also find the older women beautiful, self-assured, wise, intelligent and a pleasure to be with.

Lastly, don’t forget that we truly have a choice and we can be the drivers of our lives. Quite often we flow with the tide unable to stop ourselves from being tossed and turned, dashed from one shore to another. Some women are unfortunate to be in it, some justify it as a choice, not quite having the agency to discern. Be what you want to be but don’t accept your diminished selves as a choice to be opted for, something lesser than you deserve. Sometimes, we need to let go of compromise and adjustment and stop ascribing our condition to fate and circumstance over which we have no little power. We are far more capable and stronger than this attitude. Be the Captain of your Ship and steer it towards your dream destination.

So, here’s to Us, to all the Phenomenal Women!