The brother of a good friend recently went to meet a young woman, a prospective alliance for marriage. His family was hopeful that the alliance would work out as both had earlier given positive indications of it. So, my friend was kind of disappointed hearing the tone of uncertainty from her brother dear after meeting the girl, and finally said No. Both my friend and I were flabbergasted, even slightly crushed, knowing the reason – the young woman apparently was ‘too funny’ for the guy’s taste and expressed her ‘humorous self too loudly!’ Which apparently for him was a ‘serious’ reason not to marry her.
When it comes to humour or being funny, women have been typically straightjacketed into two neat categories – firstly, women can’t be funny. And secondly, if they are, they are unfeminine and crude.
We have all enjoyed the rollicking humour or quiet wit of our female friends, cousins and other family members and know that the former is not true. Women can indeed be funny. As has been ably proved by women writers, performers, artists and cartoonists over the years. Women have been witty and bawdy throughout history as well though their traits and stories have been rarely documented. And lately of course, the myth has been smashed by the super talented brigade of witty and funny female stand-up comedians who are guaranteed to make you smile, laugh and guffaw.
Thanks to the plethora of opportunities offered by OTT, live shows and social media, several brilliant and super witty female comedians have now access to showcase their rib-tickling talents instead of performing in college canteens, low-key functions and marriages. Or simply keeping their flair to themselves and their close friends and family.
What’s more, their performances are marked by unapologetic, irrelevant humour, spontaneity and no-holds-barred comedy. Most of their witty style of humour is driven by experiences and journey of their lives. These women can be poker faced, silly, unabashed, uproarious and plucky. Their jokes ranging from patriarchy-bashing and matrimonial sites to contraceptives and sex. Their gigs have it all, creating complete laughter riots.
But why are then men considered funnier than women? Or where does the preconception “women aren’t funny” stem from? And why are women usually disincentivized or dismissed for being humorous in the marriage and dating scene? Mostly because women aren’t expected to be funny or humorous.
The perception that women are less or not funny is so widespread that they are discouraged from developing and expressing their humour, entrenching the belief further. Even women tend to contribute to this impression when they feel forced to suppress their humour to align with cultural expectations. Apart from being funny, even openly enjoying a joke is forbidden for women in some societies.
Women who openly and loudly laugh at jokes and enjoy humour with gay abandon are usually frowned upon. They even tend to unconsciously cover their mouths, either to mask their genuine laughter or restrict it from turning into a full throated one. Moreover, women are also taught to resist laughing too much, especially with men, as their laughter might imply permissiveness.
There are other reasons too. As per biological evolutionary history, men had to compete harder with other men to impress women with their sense of humour. Even in the modern age, if a man can make the lady laugh, well, he has won half the battle. Women too find the funny disposition of males endearing, impressive and desirable with their “He’s so funny.” And men too think that it is rewarding to make women laugh.
But at the same time, some way men do not want women to be funny. Perhaps, they want them only as an audience, not as contenders. Research shows that women who posted personal advertisements sought a partner who could make them laugh twice as frequently as they offered to be the source of humor. Men, however, offered to be the provider of humor a third more than they sought it in a partner. Further, men can tell jokes about anything but want their women to joke only about certain things.
Another reason why women were considered humourless or thought that they cannot have great wits or be comedians is because wit was considered as a sign of intelligence. And intelligence usually rested with men. In fact, women have been conventionally conditioned not too to be witty and intelligent lest they pose a threat to men. So, women would usually tend to moderate their personalities by telling fewer jokes and laughing more heartily at their men’s jokes.
The idea of women’s humourlessness was also perpetuated by psychologists and sociologists. Freudian theory, in particular, espoused that women do not need humour as men do, because of women’s less complex psychic development and that humour was a ‘masculine trait.’
Whatever the basis of its origins, the notion that women aren’t funny has certainly become one entrenched by social and cultural factors. As it is in the past, women had not been given much opportunity to say much, let alone crack jokes. Our cultural scripts repeatedly encouraged humour in men but not women.
The humour gender gap is common as well. Studies reveal the gender gap in humour where women were perceived negatively for making jokes during official meetings and presentations while the same behaviour was considered natural and appreciative of men.
An important aspect of humour is the ability to make others laugh known as the ”humour production ability,’ which again is considered to be a typical male talent. However, evidence suggests that the two sexes have a similar capacity for humour production and appreciation with both men and women clearly capable of being equally funny. Women too have been proving this wrong by being incisive, funny and stimulating people to laughter.
There are other clichés too. Like for example, female comedians talk only about women things or are too feminists. But honestly, what’s wrong in women comedians talking about things from the perspective of a woman and their experiences. Male comedians do it all the time.
Humour in different forms – sarcastic, witty, anecdotal, ironic, satirical – is complex and has many dimensions. Humour is also talent, power, capital and a sign of intelligence and confidence. Men and women are both funny, but in perhaps in different ways. Those who say, “women aren’t funny” as a blanket statement would also agree that “all men are funny,” as they’re clearly not.
Sexist cultural gender norms continue to play a huge part in the mainstream perception of ‘humour’ and ‘funny.’ Although being a woman in the professional comedy is better than before, it still mostly a ‘man’s world.’ It’s time we acknowledge these prejudices and start shifting such social and cultural patterns.
And for all you funny ladies out there, continue to be unapologetically funny by spreading those laughter. And breaking those mores.
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