An acquaintance I met recently at a meeting wondered why I hadn’t responded to his message on LinkedIn since a year. And why on earth haven’t I updated my profile after switching jobs. Another friend gushing over the recent Netflix film releases warned that I should not miss any of it. And yes, she reminded me to return the 750-page book that I had borrowed from her.
A wellness expert I follow pointed out earnestly how we should consume the salads in our meals first, then cooked vegetables, followed by the proteins and grains at the end.
I was in a tizzy. Bewildered and stressed too. How am I supposed to accommodate these into my already overflowing ‘To-Do’ list, with the days as rushed and demanding as mine?!
Then there are other daily must-dos – at least 15-minutes of meditation and 30-minutes of exercise, 7-8 hours of sleep, eating a palate of rainbow-coloured fruits and vegetables along with nuts, not forgetting to drink 8 litres of water and eating seasonal fruits and vegetables…
Keeping in mind the relationship and social goals to boot: Spending quality time with family, being a responsible, caring and conscientious parent, keeping tabs on parents, sending the birthday gift for your favourite nephew, attending the engagement party of your husband’s niece, visiting a friend in the hospital…
I am a working woman too – As someone working remotely most of the time, my work hours are erratic, there are deliverables to fulfil, deadlines to meet and client requests to attend to…
And what about my aspirations, dreams, nourishment for soul and mind? The Himalayan trek that I have always wanted to go for, the book that I intended to write, the island country that I have always dreamt of visiting, the half marathon that I have been aspiring to run…
In a world where so much is happening and our lives filled with social media lures, information overloads and temptations galore – the yearning to have a fulfilling life by being super productive, a goalkeeper and the urge to do it all has in truth lost its charm.
How does one accommodate all the personal, professional and intellectual, creative, spiritual, social aspirations and goals? But then, is it actually possible to squeeze in all without flogging ourselves sore? Is a balance with so many weights really achievable? Are 24 hours in a day enough? Is it possible to juggle all such varied roles? How do I do it if I want to do it All?
But do we need to do it all? Is being efficient, productive and perfect all the time, worth it?
Our parents led simpler, peaceful and uncomplicated lives and there was an order to their daily routine. Our childhood years were less chaotic as well with set timings for school, play, hobbies and vacations. We may not have been scurrying from swimming class or chess class to the other end of the town, and yet we did manage to learn a decent amount. Of course, we didn’t have anyone pestering us to join coding classes in Grade 5!
Modern life was supposed to make our lives easier with increased and easy access to information, gadgets, novel inventions and of course, the digital revolution. However somehow, with this, our desire to do more, be more and show more has spiralled manifold. We never seem to be contented, at ease or gratified for what we have. And a nagging feeling of always missing out on something or the other.
Women have it even tougher. Additional roles at hand and the aspiration to be a ‘Superwoman’ at home and at work make it doubly hard for them. Ask women who have managed to be both mothers and top professionals. On top of that, if they are creative, thoughtful and socially responsible, their life resembles that of a ceaselessly spinning top.
I am forever conflicted by the dilemma of whether to lead a productive and action-packed, yet stressful, life or a simple and peaceful life even when it’s a wee bit monotonous and unexciting. But one thing is for sure, the fast-paced, demanding, overactive and virtual lives have set in motion ever-present stress, a premature burnout with people not even pausing to enjoy or feel. For they are already looking at the next stimulation or activity on the ‘To-Do’ list.
Sometimes, I feel the world and people weary, fantasizing about relocating to a remote village with no access to people or things or hibernating in my house with only books, a garden and sleep for company. I am sure, many would have harboured similar thoughts.
Nevertheless, I am glad this niggling clash of thoughts triggered me to seriously consider if I really need to do it all. And importantly, what is it that I really wanted to do? Interestingly, a conscious deliberation brought in a sense of clarity. Not an epiphany perhaps, but a Marie Kondo kind of solution that advises decluttering by keeping only those things which spark joy.
So, I am beginning to be more mindful, to not just react or respond, but live more thoughtfully and spotlight on what’s really important. So, out went unnecessary meetings and social gatherings and in came learning to relish the extraordinariness of the ordinary life – the colours of a sunrise, my cup of coffee, a hug from my daughter, the budding leaves and flowers of my garden, a beautiful line in a book. These moments were mine to treasure and I was glad not to bargain them for anything else.
No matter how overrated prioritisation is made out to be, it is surely a benchmark to experience a less cluttered and deeper and purposeful life. Prioritisation taught me to devote my time and effort to working on tasks which I really valued. It gradually made a difference and nudged me in the right direction. With prioritization, I felt less reactive to all situations and emotions and more attentive and intentional to only the focal areas. Doing everything was not smart and ‘busyness’ and ‘happening’ were not always cool, especially when we sacrifice sleep to catch up on our work, entertainment or socialise.
Taming the monster of social media was also critical as it had not just captured my time but had also hijacked my attention. So, except for perhaps one or two platforms, I am now either silent, reticent or dormant. And I cannot describe how liberating it feels. Not to mention the wealth of time that I garnered.
While there were some days when I lounged, lazed, procrastinated and got distracted, overall I realised that being organised, disciplined and cultivating good habits did help. I had more hours to spend and nurture things I loved and not mindlessly in energy-sapping activities. I ate, felt and slept better.
I am also practising stepping back, letting go and not being an Atlas with the weight of the Earth on my shoulders. We step into too many roles, reserve ourselves for umpteen tasks and often commit ourselves too much. We take on too much and get pulled into multiple directions. What if we step back, draw a line, let go and take a back seat? For some time at least – no new assignments, new personal commitments, new skills, new diets, new nothing. If something is working well in our lives we should let it be and not up to it any further.
Also, I am slowly changing my attitude too. I need not always be efficient at everything every time. Some days, I’ll be flawless, other days flawed. And in between let me relax a bit by being average. Sometimes being more accepting of yourself is therapeutic.
There are certain other actions I would love to take, but I am still struggling with, like curbing the urge to accumulate coveted stuff, limiting other distractions, stopping multitasking, decluttering…
Hopefully, with all these, life will get more meaningful, less complex and stress-free. Leaving aside time and mental space to engage in things I truly value, which create an impact, give me joy and steadiness and support my wellbeing.
