Mumbai: Actor Vijay Varma, Tamannah Bhatia’s ex-beau, recalled battling depression and thanked Aamir Khan’s daughter Ira Khan for helping him during the tough phase.
During a conversation with Rhea Chakraborty, Vijay recalled the COVID-19 lockdown period and his battle with depression.
“I was all alone in an apartment in Mumbai. Luckily, I had a small terrace — I could see the sky, be with the elements. Otherwise, I would’ve gone mad. Actually, I did,” said Vijay. “And then one day, I realised — why can’t I move from my couch for four days? What’s going on?”
“At that time, Ira and Gulshan were like my little support system. Ira was assisting on Dahaad, and we had all become good friends during the shoot. We’d video call each other on Zoom, have dinners — that was our circle. But I kept deteriorating. Ira was the first to point out, ‘Vijay, I think you need to start moving a little’,” Vijay recalled.
“Eventually, I spoke to a therapist because I was just unable to move. I met her on Zoom and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression — pretty severe at that time. She said, ‘If it’s manageable, fine, otherwise we’ll consider medication.’ I said let me see.’”
Sharing how therapy and yoga helped him heal, he stated, “Both brought everything to the surface. I’d get on my yoga mat, and by the third or fourth Surya Namaskar, I’d collapse, crying for hours without knowing why. It was deep depression, mixed with unattended emotions and unresolved guilt.”
Revealing that one of his biggest emotional burdens was the guilt of leaving home, the actor said, “A part of me still regrets it. When you leave, your family misses you. I never made peace with that. I sometimes wonder if my decision, though right for me, was right for everyone else. You put yourself out there for ten years, away from family, to do what? But now, when I see the joy and pride they feel, it makes sense. Back then, it didn’t.”
Crediting Ira for stepping in at the right time, Vijay said, “Ira was the one who said you need to start moving, Vijay. And she would put me on Zoom classes, and train me. Then she said, ‘Therapy is not bad. You should try therapy’.”
Opening up about growing up in a somewhat dysfunctional family, Vijay shared, “I feel that I have a lot of bad memories I have forgotten. If you ask about my childhood, I won’t remember them. But my subconscious mind remembers them. It shows up in the quiet, alone. The more you talk about it, go out and seek help, the sooner you will come out of that pattern.”
