Bhubaneswar: The concept of live-in relationships, a cornerstone of “new age” romance, is painting a vibrant yet complex picture in the evolving landscape of Bhubaneswar. While metropolitan hubs have largely embraced this modern lifestyle, the capital city of Odisha grapples with a unique blend of acceptance, apprehension, and outright curiosity.
For young professionals seeking to deepen their connection before marriage, live-in relationships offer an alluring prospect. It’s a chance to share the mundane and the magical, to truly understand a partner’s quirks and habits before taking the plunge. As one 21-year-old software engineer, happily cohabiting with his partner, puts it, “We share everything, and it’s wonderful to have her smiling face greet me when I return from work.”
But not all stories are rosy. A 26-year-old resident recounts a different tale: “Living together exposed my partner’s hidden struggles. The relationship soured quickly, and we parted ways.” This darker side highlights the potential for disillusionment and heartbreak, a reality often overlooked amidst the romantic allure of cohabitation.
For many in Bhubaneswar, especially older generations, the concept of live-in relationships clashes with traditional values. A 50-year-old landlord, who rents his apartment to a live-in couple, acknowledges the importance of understanding one’s partner but maintains that cohabitation isn’t the only route to that goal. “Parents should at least know the person you wish to stay with,” he says. His sentiment is echoed by a 53-year-old mother who fears the influence of a neighbouring live-in couple on her teenage child, reflecting the anxieties that ripple through conservative communities. “I remain in constant fear of my child learning and later implementing this lifestyle. I try to keep him distant, but he’s taking a lot of interest in it,” she says.
The digital age has amplified both curiosity and concern. Online forums like Reddit are abuzz with questions about navigating the live-in landscape in Bhubaneswar. Finding a “live-in friendly” rental property proves challenging, with landlords often demanding exorbitant rents or outright refusing to accommodate such couples. One couple laments the constant search for housing and the scrutiny they face in larger societies.
Questions like ‘How to find a suitable place to live while being in a live-in relationship?’ ‘Which place in Bhubaneswar is live-in friendly?’ can be seen on the Internet. They usually get responses like, ‘Finding a live-in friendly house in Oldtown is like selling insurance to Ashwathama.’ and ‘You need a good broker’, while some also try giving tried and tested tips like, ‘Bro just disguise as brother and sister’.
Asked about this problem, a live-in couple says, “We are in constant search of places to rent. Owners ask for way more rent than usual, citing it as a special requirement for live-in couples. We are constantly alienated in large societies, and typical people make us the talk of the town in no time.”
Though live-in sounds glamorous, modern, and edgy, it comes with its own set of drama.
The stories of those who have embarked on this path are equally diverse. For some, it’s a practical step towards building a shared future, with an emphasis on mutual support and shared responsibilities. Others warn against pursuing live-in arrangements solely for physical intimacy, emphasising the importance of emotional maturity and a clear vision for the future.
However, failed live-in relationships can leave deep scars, especially for women, leading to social stigma and difficulties in finding suitable partners for marriage. A 31-year-old doctor shares her painful experience of a broken live-in relationship that left her ostracised by her family and struggling in the marriage market. “My relationship was fine until we started living together. I discovered her addiction problems, and she became abusive. We broke up after two months,” says another 26-year-old.
Psychiatrists and social activists in Bhubaneswar acknowledge the complexities of live-in relationships. While acknowledging their potential benefits, they emphasise the need for responsible decision-making and awareness of the potential pitfalls. “Five years ago, I fell in love and entered a live-in relationship. However, we broke up after three years when I discovered he was cheating on me. The relationship became public, making my parents unhappy. I am still unmarried,” says a 31-year-old doctor at a reputed Bhubaneswar hospital.
Different age groups perceive this matter in very different ways. While those in the older age group live separately till marriage and ask for parental permission before getting married, the younger lot is more upfront. According to a 19-year-old student of KIIT University, to ensure a future together, one should share household chores and finances. This age group doesn’t endorse live-in relationships solely for intimacy and emotions and an uncertain future.
Shree Mishra, psychiatrist, AIIMS, Bhubaneswar, said live-in relations are good but need to be re-invented. The capital, being IT and health hubs and having big corporate houses, reports at least one live-in dispute daily on average, according to Madhyam NGO.
Ultimately, the decision to cohabit rests on the individuals involved. The modern Bhubaneswar landscape is one of evolving norms and differing perspectives. It’s a city where the traditional and the modern dance a delicate tango, where choices about love and relationships are as diverse as the people who inhabit it. As the conversation continues, one thing is clear: live-in relationships in Bhubaneswar are a reflection of a society in flux, navigating the challenges and opportunities of an ever-changing world.
