He had success, a zooming career, fawning fans, money, comforts and everything else a happy life could mean. Why would someone like Sushant Singh Rajput, a bright young achiever at 34, be depressed? The very question exposes our abysmal comprehension of depression. We are socially conditioned to equating material gains and life-goal fulfilment with happiness. The general belief is the rich and the famous must be happy because, well, they are rich and famous. We, several notches down the economic totem pole, are sad because we don’t have the goods that would make us happy. Such flawed reductive thinking makes us treat sadness and depression as the same. The reality is they are not.
Worse, it makes us ignore signs of mental depression in us and others around. It is usually too late by the time we acknowledge that things are not normal. Had someone close noticed that the actor carried a gnawing, indescribable pain within his amiable, happy-go-lucky social persona, Rajput would have been alive. Had he himself understood that the dark thoughts that often compelled him to contemplate extreme self-destructive action, was part of a mental health disorder, he would have sought a medical solution. Perhaps he had no knowledge of depression; most of us don’t have. That is one reason we fail to fathom why successful professionals or brilliant students end their own lives.
Beyond ignorance, as a society we live among false notions of strength and weakness. A strong person is not supposed to express emotions. That is for sissies. Letting your dark feelings out could mean your failure to handle yourself, which is a shame. From this notion comes the age-old suggestion that men don’t cry. After a person kills self, we set about finding reasons — mounting loans, failure at job, betrayal in love, immediate provocation, if any, so on — but never mental depression. It would make the departed look weak. It would be a disservice to the memory of the person. If only we were more honest to our feelings!
In the case of the actor it is possible an already fraught mental condition was aggravated by the long spell of inactivity during the lockdown. He was deprived of the social and professional networks, and work itself, which helped stave off negative thoughts and maintain emotional balance. His case may not be an exception. Watchers of mental health across the world are now worried about the psychological damage to individuals due to the pandemic-induced confinement. Children, in particular, may carry lifelong scars, which may have a telling impact on the growth of their personalities. It’s time we came out of denial and accepted that not everything may be alright with us.
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THE DARKNESS WITHIN
It’s a dark tunnel without light at the end of it. If you are sucked inside, there’s no escape. You just keep moving deeper. The state of the mind, say those who have been through it, is difficult to explain to others. It may not even show on your face. An apparently cheerful person maybe deeply troubles inside. And he maybe clinging on to it more in desperation.
Stephanie Perkins, Amrican author with several bestsellers to her credit and a victim of depression herself, describes it this way: “Because that’s the thing about depression. When I feel it deeply, I don’t want to let it go. It becomes a comfort. I want to cloak myself under its heavy weight and breathe it into my lungs. I want to nurture it, grow it, cultivate it. It’s mine. I want to check out with it, drift asleep wrapped in its arms and not wake up for a long, long time.” Several celebrities, including actor Deepika Padukone, have come out with stories of their depression recently. If only Rajput had paid attention to what she was talking about!
MIND THE KIDS PLEASE
Studies across the world suggest that the lockdown has impacted the mental health of children of all ages. The absence of direct interaction with peer groups and the freedom to move around with abandon has led many into anxiety disorders besides depression. Particularly affected are children in nuclear families stuck in small flats in apartment complexes. If your child is unusually irritable or sad, has lost interest in food or whatever s/he enjoys doing or has developed an erratic sleeping pattern among other signs, experts say, be careful. The child may be slipping into depression. The psychological damage can be heavy in the long run. Parents maybe feeling the lockdown blues too, but the vulnerability of children is stronger. They must not let the child feel neglected.
DENIAL DOESN’T HELP
Let’s not be in denial. Mental depression is a serious health problem and it requires attention. Most of us maybe suffering it without actually realising it. It helps to be open about it. Talking about is not a sign of weakness, neither is expressing emotions. Before it captures us in its deadly coil we need to find a way out. The case of Sushant Singh Rajput should be a reminder for us all that beyond our measures of happiness there remains a world dangerous and unexplained.
[Disclaimer: The views expressed by the author are his own and do not necessarily represent that of the website]
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