Gamophobia, according to the dictionary, is the fear of marriage. It refers to the deep, irrational fear of long-term commitment that wedlock requires. Look around, it would appear the younger population is in the grip of gamophobia. More and more of them are choosing to stay single. Is the reason simply fear of commitment or there is something more fundamental?
The institution of marriage is disintegrating, albeit slowly and imperceptibly. The number of men and women choosing to stay unmarried is on the rise. Late marriage is the norm now as is divorce. The young find bliss in singlehood, and without parental pressure they would embrace it happily. Children, the carrier of the bloodline, are not much of a priority.
We don’t have reliable data on how many men and women are unmarried at 40 and beyond. The Census report of 2011 does not reveal much. We take 40 because it can be assumed that most people of both sexes at this age are reconciled to the idea of staying single. But look around. If you are in a metropolitan or a tier two or three city, the number of singles would surprise you.
So, what is on? Well, there are many reasons behind the impending collapse of one of the oldest institutions of humankind, but in this article we shall focus on the nature jobs and financial security, and their impact on marriage.
The idea of marriage and life after it in India, it appears, was built around government jobs. No, this is not meant to be a light statement. It addresses the criticality of financial security in a marriage.
The news of engineers and MBAs applying for low-ranked government jobs such as watchmen, peons, gardeners and sweepers keep making the headlines now and then. In Bihar sometime ago, the advertisement for Group D jobs was out. A large number of the five lakh-odd applicants were engineers, MBAs, postgraduates and graduate degree holders. In Uttar Pradesh, more than 28,000 postgraduates and close to 3,800 PhD holders were among applicants for the job messenger, according to media reports. The same goes for other states as well.
One of the reasons government jobs are highly sought after is they are secure. A steady flow of monthly income – doesn’t matter how small – allows a person to plan the major events of his life such as getting married and having children. It brings certain stability to life. Not so the case of private jobs, which may pay higher but don’t carry the promise of a stable and secure life. They are a risky proposition when it comes to the responsibilities a family life entails.
We live in times when government jobs are shrinking and private jobs are getting more and more insecure. So the decision to get married is put on hold, or after a point, cancelled. In the case of private jobs, both spouses working brings some sense of security. But it requires great compatibility and a sense of shared responsibility. Without both, as the growing cases of divorce suggest, marriage is a big gamble.
The demand for reservation among the youth of middle castes such as Patidars in Gujarat, Marathas in Maharashtra, Jats in Haryana and Kapus in Andhra Pradesh is to some degree born out of the problem of young men without steady jobs failing to find brides. Farming and small businesses are no longer remunerative. Parents of girls are reluctant to push their daughters into a marriage that doesn’t offer reasonable financial security. A low-paying government job is still fine.
So the problem is not confined to cities only, it’s similar in rural and semi-urban areas too, where marriage is considered a right of passage and families with grown up unmarried sons and daughters face social shaming.
Finally everything comes down to planning a life. If the institution of marriage is dying the problem lies primarily with the missing financial spine to prop it. Is there a solution to the problem? Not one that is visible. At some point, it might turn into a demographic crisis.
However, like we mentioned earlier, behind the gradual collapse of the institution, there are several factors at work. We shall get there later on.
(By arrangements with Perspective Bytes)
